Magic Mondays 7: What Changed After 10 Weeks of Microdosing + a Hero’s Journey Dose
I am speaking to my own experiences with healing from CPTSD. I am also working with a company, Mighty Micro, and I have links to them throughout this post.
Welcome back to Magic Mondays where I talk about my experiences with micro (and macro) doses of psilocybin in an effort to treat my Complex PTSD. Last week I left y’all on a cliff hanger where I was experiencing some pushback in week 6 and was hoping that week 7 would go better for me, but in all honesty it didn’t go much better. I was still in the midst of fatigue and brain fog which isn’t fun under any circumstances but after all of the momentum I built in the first several weeks of microdosing and doing a hero’s journey it felt a bit like the air being deflated out of my tires. Thankfully by the end of week 7 and going into week 8 I started to feel like myself again. It started very slowly, like waking up inspired to get stuff done and organizing photoshoot ideas for both my content creation career but also for a business I’m starting with a friend…and then I’d hit a wall and would have trouble actually executing those ideas. That was even an improvement as I wasn’t feeling all that inspired at all the week before, but it was still annoying to not be able to act on inspiration entirely. Luckily by the end of week 8 I was more or less back to my (new) normal self.
I’m now in the beginning of week 10 and what’s wild to me is how much things really have changed for me. In many ways I’m still figuring things out, getting ducks in a row, and my life is far from fixed. In every other way though, including in the ways that I am struggling, I’m okay. I haven’t been able to say this in years upon years because I have not been okay. For the past year or so I’ve had flashes of being okay or believing it will be okay but even then it was not a long lasting experience. Nowadays I feel very in pocket. I see the momentum I’ve made and trust that it will keep happening. I’ve done more this summer than I have done the past few years combined. That feels good. I trust myself. Hell, for the past two weeks I haven’t even felt anxiety even though there’s plenty to feel anxious about. I still have a ways to go, but the fact that I’m okay at all is a miracle in of itself. I’m surprised that I even had it in me to be okay when my life is still such a work in progress. It’s not to say that I never feel annoyed at wishing my life was further along or I had certain securities or stabilities that I don’t possess at the moment. But the fact that I’m so even and generally unbothered about it is wild to me. I thought I would only get to this place upon my life being more straightened out. TL;DR- I’m living a life I never could have fathomed.
This is the last post (for now) so I want to leave y’all with what else has changed for me, what my plan going forward is, and what products I like the best.
What has changed since micro (and beyond) dosing for me.
It’s such an abstract thing to explain how you’ve changed, so I’m going to try to keep it succinct and to a bullet point list so I don’t accidentally over explain and get lost in the woods attempting to do so.
I feel a lot more confident in a ground and centered way. That was already happening but especially after my hero’s journey I feel like a lot was exorcised out of my system and I’m not carrying around unnecessary bullshit that I incorrectly internalized anymore and that’s been freeing.
I’m back to loving being a creative person. I’ve had no energy for years and despite that I never totally stopped writing or at least writing down ideas for movies, my puppets, characters, etc it’s almost been a chore or just something I did. Lately I’ve been having a lot more fun with the creative process and I’m finding myself surprised I ever stopped having fun with it.
I’m back to being a very, very, very ambitious person. Anyone who knew me before the pandemic saw how hard I worked and most seemed to believe I was pretty capable of doing what I set my mind to. CPTSD took that away from me slowly but surely. I can more clearly remember how much I did back in the day, sometimes against impossible odds, and forgot that I am not someone to be underestimated. I truly forgot this before going on this adventure with psilocybin. I’m not saying I have been able to access this energy all day everyday, but I’m finally back to feeling this energy and I’m low key feeling like a shuttle about to launch any moment now.
I have way better or at least neutral dreams.
I’m better at showing up and taking care of myself.
My productivity is back.
I notice nature a lot more and enjoy the beauty of it.
I feel more present, calm, even, and in pocket.
I do things I don’t want to do because it has to get done. Again, not all day every day and I have some room for improvement here, but wow I’ve gotten more done that felt impossible this summer than I could have imagined.
What my plan is going forward.
When I first started microdosing I thought I would do this forever. And while I believe it will be in my future, I’m likely taking a sorta kinda break. A lot of people take breaks after 8, 10, or 12 weeks and that is me too after this week. I’m so thankful for microdosing and know and appreciate how much this jump started many stagnated parts of my healing. That said, even lower doses of microdosing is tiring for my system. Lately more feelings pop up while microdosing- which I’m not afraid of because I know it’s stuff being worked out, but is not conducive to how busy I am currently. After doing the hero’s journey dose and seeing how much that exorcised out of my system (which never would have been possible had I not started microdosing and gotten comfortable with psilocybin), I’m craving another experience like that. Complex PTSD is complex and there’s some other stuff I want to go deeper with.
Microdosing would get me there but I’d rather commit to one full day of feelings and being out of it on a macro dose (to put it mildly) than a few days a week feeling slightly off and tired. I honestly thought my system would adjust and being tired was only something that would happen in the beginning, but for me the tiredness is still happening. That said a lot of people with CPTSD have reached out to me on my CPTSD TikTok to share their experiences with microdosing and several have been on some type of regime for years and love it. I think this is a “me problem” and not a someone with CPTSD problem (even though CPTSD and the nervous system it’s afforded me is definitely a factor). I’m coming back from malnutrition and have a few other wrenches in the works currently that’s likely leading to my perpetual exhaustion.
I believe I will microdose again in the future for weeks on end and will be taking a capsule or gummy at least once a week for maintenance before I get there. But I want to let my system breathe for a little while and maybe even do another big trip to try to release a lot at once again. There are tons of ways to do psilocybin regarding doses and how often and I think not only am I still finding my sweet spot but I’m predicting the sweet spot will change the healthier I get. Meaning, maybe once I’m back at a healthy weight again and have processed more trauma (through microdosing, macrodosing, or other modalities of processing trauma) that my nervous system won’t be so damn tired and shut me down at any stimuli (like psilocybin) in the future.
For real though, I think microdosing is a great tool and I’m so glad to know it works on me, what to expect while on it, and will 100% do it again. I’m actually very thankful for my microdosing adventure this summer and I want to make that abundantly clear. I just need a break and that became clear after week 8 (after feeling a little sensitive after weeks 6 and 7) so I started doing between 300-400mg once a week instead of a lower dose every other day and I have way more sustained energy, my head feels less scrambled, and my days feel a lot more predictable. Sometimes I like the higher microdoses because I get more introspective and sometimes feel more euphoric than at a lower dose. It’s ironic because I am so busy because microdosing helped me help myself and suddenly I’m lousy with a lot of opportunities and deadlines…and yet I cannot sustain my current schedule if I microdose every other day. So I’m still playing around with what makes sense in the immediate future (hence I’m tempted to just do a macro dose again and let it breathe from there because there’s still a lot I want to work through with psilocybin). It’s crazy though because I started this journey only being committed to microdosing, was scared of a hero’s journey, and now I’ve done a reversal of sorts where I currently would rather trip than do microdoses. Hey, when I’m wrong I’m wrong!
Fave products and links to past posts in case you missed the entire saga.
Obviously I liked the hero’s journey dosage, because duh. I’m clearly a fan and a convert now.
I thought the 100mg gummies were genuinely the best gummies I’ve ever had taste wise (comparing it to cannabis and CBD gummies) and I liked the 100 mg dosing.
I really loved the honey sticks. I’ve done both the full stick (300mg) and a half of a stick (150mg) and every time I’ve done them it’s a more gentle experience. (I usually melt them into my tea.) I feel uplifted and the shift is a natural progression. I’m not sure why but these hit me differently in a way I really enjoyed. The honey sticks were a surprise hit for me!
I liked the 150mg capsules but as I experience a decent amount of fatigue on psilocybin, truthfully I found myself gravitating more towards the gummies as the weeks went on. Make no mistake as 150 is still a very small microdose but as someone who’s perpetually tired and has been for years, less became more for me. But I do recommend them all the same as my preference changed as I got busier (I started out preferring them to the gummies), so again this is a me specific problem.
And of course, below are the links to my past posts about my summer of microdosing in case you missed it and want to see where I began and what happened between then and now!
The first week and getting started with microdosing
What happened after the hero’s journey trip
And of course, here is the first video I did about this experience on YouTube:
Thanks so much for reading and going on this journey with me! Please check out my Linktree below to follow me elsewhere. And thank you to Mighty Micro for helping me change my life this summer!
-Blair