Magic Mondays 3: Microdosing Weeks 2-3
Welcome back to Magic Mondays where I talk about microdosing psilocybin. This week we’re going to be discussing weeks two and three of microdosing, so if you missed the past posts about week one of microdosing (and getting started) as well as stacking doses please check out those links and catch up! I’ve been working with Mighty Micro for treating my Complex PTSD and I have a few links if you are curious scattered throughout this post.
Weeks two and three of microdosing were interesting to me because I gained a lot of functionality and mobility back regarding being back in the mix in life after years of being frozen, but they also had some roller coaster effects too. Psilocybin, even at a microdose level, is medicine and all medicines have some unpleasant aspects. Because your brain is literally being rewired, it can a) be exhausting and b) have a roller coaster effect in that you can move two steps forward, one back, six steps forward again, and then back another two but all in the same day. At least that was my experience! Most days it was more comfortable to be in motion. I was cleaning, I was editing, I was communicating, I was seeking further employment, I was taking care of myself- and all of this came with ease! But then in the same day (though not everyday) I could get tired, low key anxious, or just a little lost but I would bounce back right away.
It is my understanding that because emotions and trauma get stored in our nervous systems, sometimes our nervous systems not only push back but also work with psilocybin to see if old modalities are keeping us safe or holding us back. Like it checks to see what needs to be moved out and what doesn’t and you get taken along for the ride. I definitely had a few instances of feeling like old habits were calling me back, but if I froze again I honestly snapped out of it pretty quickly (thank goodness). There were a few days were I could be working pretty nonstop and not need to rest, which gave me a lot of hope that I could be a functional human…both again but in some ways for the first time? I wasn’t always frozen and low key agoraphobic, fair. But even when I was (other people’s words here) “a very industrious person trying to take over Hollywood” I was largely masking, ignoring and overriding a desire to stay home and be horizontal all day, and generally felt really weighted down while doing things. These first few weeks of microdosing showed me how to do a lot with a consistent amount of energy and minimal resistance - which was incredible.
That said, psilocybin is going to psilocybin and this medicine does what it wants and brings what is needed to the surface. I talk a little further about this in my first of at least two videos about this microdosing journey, but know that I was feeling some feelings about situations I do not care for and am forced to deal with and I’m not going to lie and act like it was pleasant. That all said, all of it was in pocket and none of it was a spiral. Most emotions in these weeks felt real but I was also mostly just observing them and then the anxiety would evaporate and I’d move on. Phew!
The biggest change that I made in these weeks was going from doing four days on (microdosing) to three days off. I talk a little more about this in my video too but basically having a nervous system disorder means everything (even good things) can be low key overstimunlating and microdosing is stimulating on it’s own so doing it for four days was too tiring for my system. I also switched from taking a capsule or a gummy first thing in the morning to later in the morning or afternoon because taking a dose too early was a little jarring for me and I found I needed to get grounded in the world a bit first before rewiring my brain. I think for many people it’s fine to take a dose first thing in the AM, but I’m now curious if this is a CPTSD side effect of sorts because due to our shattered nervous systems everything impacts us differently. Hell, even some cannabinoids can have different effects on us (like CBG is supposed to be stimulating for most but for me it’s as good as an RX muscle relaxer and apparently there’s science around why my nervous system responds that way- who knew?).
Besides being productive, the other main proof I had that this really is working is that my dreams changed. I went from having stressful dreams to really peaceful dreams. Often times people hate me or are ignoring me in my dreams but lately people are really kind to me in dreams. I also talk about this in my video about the first few weeks of microdosing so I won’t go into that again here. BUT another dream I had I was having dinner with people, including a friend of mine who has sadly not only been sucked into a bad meth addiction but in said addiction seems to think I’m in his house and refusing to leave so he calls at all hours of the night thinking that’ll get me to leave. (I know that doesn’t make sense, but he’s not in his right mind.) It’s a helpless situation because I trigger him in his state so I can’t do anything about this and can’t express concern or check in on him. I have reasons to believe he has completely started to dislike if not hate me, which I don’t take personally but it is a bummer. I had a dream he was at this dinner and was very happy to see me and we were cool, which was really lovely. But he was also still on meth, so that was less nice. All the same, I’ve had a lot of dreams where people are kinder to me, more interested in me, and have forgiven me for perceived or real slights. That’s been really nice!
Three weeks in and a lot of stacking of doses somewhere in-between, I decided I was ready to do a hero’s journey (aka a full blown trip). I could tell the microdosing was working but I wanted to speed it up a bit, see what a trip would do, and became genuinely curious. So next week I’ll be writing about that. I’m genuinely shocked that I did this trip at all as it was something I didn’t want to do ever, even told the founder of Mighty Micro I wasn’t sure that was for me when we first took a meeting together, but over three weeks I had a MAJOR change of heart (clearly). So buckle up if you’re curious because that post is coming!
Thanks so much for reading I hope you return soon,
Blair